. Fozzie: I can't help that. Rowlf: No, you're not. Waldorf: I've seen my fair share of cannonball-catching acts, but that had something different. Thanks a lot, Kermit, this is a lovely surprise, I'd just like to... [Gonzo's tomato plant wraps itself around her and carries her off stage]. Animal: [shakes head emphatically] No, no. They can put a man on the moon... Statler: Yeah, but they can't put a moon on a man! Is Bob Hope here yet? [sees Waldorf asleep] You too, huh? Half of them brought the tar and the rest brought the feathers! Fozzie Bear: [running on-stage] Hiya! Floyd: Yeah, but he won't make it. Kermit the Frog: Ladies and gentlemen, in a major feat of death-defying musicrobatics never seen before, the Great Gonzo will perform, on bagpipes, the Eine Kleine Nachtmusik from a flagpole ten feet in the air. That's very funny! Statler: What have you got for an opening act this time? Dateline: London. Can we have a bigger candle, please? You see, no one will know. Kermit the Frog: Well, let's sing the sappy song! Hey, Miss Piggy - Miss Piggy, is Elton John okay? Cowboy: Sorry Kid. Fozzie: [thinking they are talking about him] Did you hear? [Statler and Waldorf are wearing flamboyant Elton John-type costumes]. Fred: [to Elke Sommer] Sorry. Five series of 120 episodes were broadcast on ATV and other ITV franchises in the United Kingdom from 1976 to 1981. Kermit the Frog: [to camera] We've had a little change of plans. Statler: You're old enough to remember Teddy Roosevelt at the opening of the Panama Canal. Fozzie: New York is so crowded, even the cemeteries are standing room only. Kermit: "And now a man who needs no introduction, so what am I doing out there?" [an orchestra conductor walks up, holding a baton, his hair messed up and his body shaking; the Newsman sees him]. Waldorf: Well, so much for the prairie dogs. [both laugh]. This is the tomato plant and I am the Gonzo. Sam the American Eagle: Now, remember. The Newsman: Muppet News Flash! Kermit the Frog: And now for your amazement and confusion, The Muppet Show's resident weird person, Gonzo the Great will grow a tomato plant whilst playing the 1812 Overture on the violin. The Muppet Show and all it’s characters came di… Statler: The Rockettes. Sgt. Listen, I'm running away from home, but I did want to see you and say goodbye. A duck appears frequently in the sketches and skits. Sam the American Eagle: You mean it isn't an Italian soup? [Waldorf vanishes] Yeah, I know what you... [Statler vanishes, too]. Statler: We're look like members of the rock age! [Gonzo appears in a cloud of smoke, holding a paper] Gonzo, is that the contract from the devil? Scooter: Gee, my uncle who owns the theatre thought of this act. I don't even know what I am this time. An embarrassing situation occurred today when the Muppet reporter accidentally went on camera forgetting to put on his pants... Oh, good grief... Charlie McCarthy: Bergen, call the janitor. The band has asked me to have a word with you. Muppet Newsman: [ringing bell] 5 o'clock and all's well! Wise words, Kermit, muppet, bicycle, cykel, bike, wheels, balance, wisdom, citat, quote, funny. Watch this. The Great Gonzo: [talking about Gonzo's teddy bear] Don't tell me you don't like him either? Miss Piggy: [turns back to Kermit sharply] No. Fozzie: Hey, that Gonzo is SO dumb, he just heard that we're running short of water, so he wants us to dilute it! Last Saturday, the chicken passed her auditions and became a member of the Royal Copenhagen Ballet. Miss Piggy: Oh, this isn't going to be a Great Dane joke, is it? Kermit the Frog: Hey, listen. Fozzie Bear: Yes. So I hung up and then I went back to watching the television. Lynn Redgrave: Kermit, this has been a most unique theatrical experience. [Miss Piggy karate-chops Gonzo, then holds up one fist in the air]. Uh, isn't "Lullaby of Birdland" all right? Waldorf: You know, I'm really going to enjoy tonight! Police have recovered all the stolen property except the silverware. Waldorf: [in response to Fozzie's monologue] Hey, hey, hey! A former circus daredevil, who billed himself as Boffo the Human Cannonball, fired himself out of a cannon yesterday into a crowd of holiday shoppers. Fozzie Bear: Hey, question: What has 1,000 legs but can't walk? Candice Bergen: She was so unsophisticated, she thought Marcello Mastroianni was an Italian soup. So THAT'S what's been going on around here all night! Sgt. [Miss Piggy karate chops both of them at once, one with each hand]. [Hangs up and walks away]. There he is: the Fastest Gerkin in the West. I'm still missing a few but I'm working on it. Statler: By the way, I thought your wife was coming tonight. The Muppet Show Quotes 34250. Kermit the Frog: Not without a forklift, I can't! Jean Stapleton: Fozzie... you forgot something. Miss Piggy: [Miss Piggy karate chops both of them at once, one with each hand] That is known as getting two turkeys with one chop. Statler: Yes, unless I get lucky and break my leg. The Carrot: Watch it, lady. [Fozzie hits him in the face with a pie]. [the mackerel hits the Newsman on the head, knocking him out]. A plane carrying a load of sports equipment was forced to jettison some of its cargo. [they both laugh], The Newsman: Muppet News Flash! My only sunshine. Kermit the Frog: You can be replaced, Piggy. Gilda Radner: Cole slaw. Nov 5, 2020 - The Muppet Quotes and sayings If you would like to be added to this bored please e-mail me at iphoneipadapphelp@gmail.com. Kermit the Frog: Yeah, but the Simon Smith number is next. Fozzie Bear: Say, a funny thing to me on the way to the theater. Fozzie Bear: Uh, Kermit? "Simon Smith and his Amazing Dancing Bear". [Rowlf is playing "The Entertainer" slowly]. Statler: [sarcastically] Oh, I'm scared! He's my favorite opera singer. [the "Good grief, the comedian's a bear" routine continued]. Scooter: You know how you're planning to do the jousting scene from Camelot? The Muppet Show quotes 172 total quotes. Kermit: Sounds more like the voice of Gonzo. Kermit the Frog: And our spegial guest stap is the amazing Hapry Bela... That's Harry Belafonte, folks. Sesame Street. When you heard people say they didn't want the bear around here, they were referring to Gonzo's teddy bear. Statler: [Waldorf holds up a score card that says "1"] You gave him a 1? Rowlf: Hello, Miss Kitty. Floyd: Well, when I said I wanted to get into something heavy for the final number, Sir Knight of the Iron wasn't it. Rowlf: My own mother turns down her hearing aid when I sing this song. Kermit the Frog: [terrified] I'm very sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, Mrs. Galley didn't wish to move to Denmark, so she fricasseed the ballerina for lunch. Fozzie: [the phone rings] I'll get it! Aaah, a marriage made in heaven. [Gonzo's motorcycle from earlier is still in Waldorf and Statler's theater box, teetering on the edge]. Kermit the Frog: The photographer who was just here. I think he's just great. Fozzie Bear: Kermit, your timing must be off. Last week I've been dancing with Natalia Makarova. I can see everything. And if it isn't a joke and if there is someone or something behind me, there is no doubt a logical explan for it. Fozzie Bear: Just read off the page, frog. You work like Gregory Peck." I don't need guns to fight you. Roy Rogers: Well, I'll be glad to, Kermit. [looks up] That's a ridiculous story. What's that got to do with what we just heard? Why don't you do that act you rehearsed? Statler: Boris Klinger? Welcome to The Muppet Show. Loretta Swit: Alright then, why don't you two just kiss and make up? Among the items tossed out were ten thousand ping pong balls... [suddenly, many, many ping pong balls fall out of the sky, raining down on the Newsman's desk]... and one bowling ball. I mean, this is a great show to do. Link Hogthrob: [to Luke] Who's your tailor? Sam's Dance Partner: What's the difference between illegal and immoral? C-3PO: Excuse me, Master Luke, but where are we? Statler: You know, usually, operetta music puts me right to sleep. The Great Gonzo: The world will forever wonder who I am! Juliet Prowse: That's funny. Kermit: Well, that's about all the time we have for today, but let's thank our special guest star, Mr. Joel Grey! [suddenly, the cushion the man is sitting on comes to life and tries to attack him]. [they both laugh]. Fozzie: Hey, did you hear the one about the kangaroo that comes into a store, and a hippopotamus comes out and he says to the kanga [curtains close] HEY I WASN'T FINISHED! Wayne: Kermit, this is an ultimatum. Gee, it's really great to be here. Harry Belafonte: Well, they don't come easily, you have to get inspired. Hold it! Milton Berle: How do you like that? [they suddenly notice that their hands are stuck to the railings of their box seats], Statler, Waldorf: Oh, no! Edit. Kermit the Frog: OK, you can stay, the teddy bear can stay, both bears can stay, the Gonzo can stay. From brain of Stephen Wildish: Guess the movie Did you get them all?! [he gets cut off by the sound of a soprano diva, followed by a gunshot that causes the diva to fall on his desk]. Fozzie Bear: Alright everybody. You, sir, are a demented, sick, degenerate, barbaric, naughty freako! Statler: There's certainly none in this theater. Gonzo: [to Luke] Who's your tailor? I am a desperate bear ready for desperate measures. Miss Piggy and C3P0: C3P0: She doesn't look like the princess to me. I hired the others. Robin the Frog: Well, nobody notices me around here. The Newsman: Is this lady making a fool of me? Widespread dumping of produce has resulted from this bumper crop. Director (s): James Frawley. They'll love us. Fozzie Bear: I finally found a sure way to lose weight. [Statler looks down at the source of the smoke and screams]. Kermit: [sadly] No. There is no news tonight. Mildred: You're such a smooth dancer. Waldorf: Do you think there's life in outer space? Today is the opening day of the fishing season. Arnold Stockman, a retired shoe salesman, recently had a most unusual experience, and we at Muppet News Central feel it is a story that should be shared with everyone. Kermit the Frog: But you just said "here". Waldorf: [after "Wilkommen"] Another star in the tradition of the late great Boris Klinger. Lou Rawls: Well, let me ask you this: you see I've got this long road trip coming up, and I'm short a drummer. All Seasons Season 1 . Soprano Beverly Sills withdrew her announced plans to retire from the operatic stage. Gonzo: And she's got this cute little nose. Remember that, huh? Kermit: OK, I tell you what - you tell a joke and I will heckle you. [the motorcycle falls out of the box]. Chicken: [an unplucked and alive chicken is between the bread] Brawk! Statler: The question is, what is a muh-nah-muh-nah? What loyalty? My old buddy Bert. Kermit: Hey, keep working on that accent, it might come in handy. [a bowling ball falls out of the sky and hits the Newsman on the head, knocking him out], [Gonzo was playing "Eine Kleine Nachtmusik" on the bagpipes while sitting atop a 10 foot flagpole]. The Newsman: Here is a Muppet News Flash. Snappy patter and jokes, he knows what pleases the folks. Sgt. [runs to the desk] There is no news tonight. Fozzie: I am a telephone pole, I am made of solid wood. Kermit: Gonzo's trying to get himself killed. Just a second. Sam the Eagle: Hmm, I'm glad you agree with me. Heh heh heh. Fozzie Bear: Oh, hi, Floyd. Many, many fond memories. Sweetums: Nice lady want Sweetums to hold something else? Fozzie Bear has a plan to get back at Statler and Waldorf when he does his act, but is crushed when he's replaced by Bruce Forsyth. Miss Piggy: Kermit, do you notice that every time we have a beautiful girl on the show, you forget about me? Juliet Prowse: Well, thank you Kermit. Floyd, you just go out there and start cookin' baby. The spaceship Swine Trek is about to make a soft landing on a distant planet. Fraggle Rock, Creature Shop and similar likenesses are copyright of The Jim Henson Company. Shop affordable wall art to hang in dorms, bedrooms, offices, or anywhere blank walls aren't welcome. Fozzie Bear: Does this sound like John Wayne? I think it's terrific being with you. [the Swedish Chef tried to make fishie chowder]. Statler: You know, Gonzo would have been perfect for that movie he was going to star in. The Newsman: Uh, Mr. Beckmesser, I understand, according to doctors, you would've died instantly had you not been such a poor conductor. your own Pins on Pinterest Statler: This show brought a tear to my eye... Fozzie Bear: Hey, question: if a man born in Poland is a Pole, is a man from Holland a Hole? Flower Eating Monster: Thanks. [Roger Moore has just sung "If I Could Talk To The Animals"]. Scooter: Oh sure, boss. You KNOW that they are reading cue cards. [sees a small candle on the desk] Uh, it's too dark in here to read the news by. Link Hogthrob: No hard feelings, I hope, Miss Piggy? Floyd: Aw, you couldn't get a long enough chain! Isn’t that that cute little children’s show with puppets?” “Who am I? Who cares about the Connie Stevens spot? This evening, I will perform a feat of lunatic daring. Dohohohoh! [Statler's cigar explodes]... although some of them are really quite droll. Explore 72 Muppet Quotes (page 2) by authors including Orson Welles, Amy Adams, and Ricky Gervais at BrainyQuote. I certainly didn't! George: They haven't. Statler: Well the show tonight certainly didn't lay an egg. Scooter: Oh, boy, oh, boy, chief. Statler: Oh, no wonder! Good night. He's-a wearin' a neck-a-tie! The Great Gonzo: And now... classical music meets seafood! [Gonzo begins playing the "1812 Overture" on violin as the tomato plant grows and wraps itself around Gonzo carrying him off stage]. Leslie Uggams: Why? Gonzo: Send me! You're supposed to eat the wardrobe! Directed by … Zero Mostel: [taking a glass of water and pouring it out] Of course! It was first rate. [burns his finger as he touches the phone] Aaow! His wife had climbed the pole this morning and found that he had indeed passed away. Kermit: I've seen cheeseburgers funnier then that. Fozzie: I am too talented for my own good. [the furniture monsters chase the man out of the room]. Last week he ate the guest. The Newsman: And now, direct from the Chicago Livestock Board, here are the gestation periods. Floyd Pepper: Okay, green thing. Waldorf: Yeah, not having to watch it. The Newsman: And now this Muppet News Flash! Statler: [as they sit with an avocado] I didn't like it. Kermit the Frog: [shouting] I am not kidding! Years ago, I was a great actor, a star. Statler: You know, when I see that Judy Collins, I'm glad I left my wife. [sees Waldorf asleep]. Waldorf: [singing] You are my sunshine, my only sunshine... Statler: I'm not your son and my name's not Shine! Miss Piggy: What? Waldorf: Now why would they have a bunch of chickens singing "Baby Face"? I always send him back. She is merely... disappointed. 32058. Kermit: "And now I want you to close your eyes and think of exotic Greek dancers, because if you open them you'll see this." The Newsman: Here is a Muppet News Flash. Always remember: square is beautiful. I'm leaving the show business. I mean, who would organize a hog calling contest? Could I ask a great big favour? The comedian's a bear! [struggle to get unstuck]. Statler: Well, I once saved a rat from drowning. You know what? Bands of roving cheeses have been reported at the edge of town moving towards city center. You watched it! [breathes heavily]. I mean, how was it done? Floyd: [wearing a suit of armor] Oh, my little green friend. You have to know how to talk to him. Kermit the Frog: And where did they GO? Miss Piggy: Kermit, now that you've begged for my forgiveness... Miss Piggy: DON'T TOUCH ME, YOU JIVE GEEK! Kermit: I-In fact, that was Rudolf Nureyev. Miss Piggy: I will not hug you, you... TWIT TURKEY! Miss Piggy: [sternly, to C-3PO] Watch it, hardware! Discover and share Muppets Chef Quotes. Kermit the Frog: And now it's time to present two old friends of ours all the way from Sesame Street. Okay Lou, there's his chain, but let me ask just one favor. Edgar Bergen: Well, then probably I'm not here today. Feather Duster: [high pitched disco diva type voice] Thank you. Anyhow, gestation periods. Dom DeLuise: Yes, they were your roses. Jun 27, 2014 - Explore Christie Slifka's board "The Muppets", followed by 350 people on Pinterest. The Newsman: Dateline: Fresno. Statler: Yes, it was good. [above them, a loud whistling noise sounds, they follow it by glancing above them and to their side when something is heard crashing to the floor]. Charlie McCarthy: Yikes! Edgar Bergen: You'll have to excuse Mortimer. [a mackerel walks up, dressed in royalty; the Newsman sees him]. Rowlf: You And I And George went strolling down the park one day/And then you held my hand as if to say I Love You/Then we passed a brook and George fell in and drowned himself/And floated out to sea leaving you alone with me. Some Statler & Waldorf quotes that I like: From Muppet*Vision 3D: Fozzie: How did you get here? Statler: You think that Jekyll-Hyde stuff is expensive? Miss Piggy: Uh-huh. Kermit: No. Yeah! OK, the ball is in your court, frog! Luke Skywalker: [pointing at Miss Piggy, who's dressed like Princess Leia] Look, it's the Princess! The Newsman: Yes, Dr. Ogelbaum, can you tell us about this cure? Statler: [responding to the Muppets performing "Cotton Fields"] I can remember when cotton was king. This is a great chance for you. Sgt. Rowlf: All right. Waldorf: Actually, that's your basic Pig Latin number. Speak up, my hearing aid's not working! Vincent Price: Well, if you will forgive my modesty, Kermit, that is the talent of the actor's. Fozzie Bear: Yes, all right! Waldorf: Do what? Milton Berle: You know, most people don't know that there are words to that song. If you would like to be added to this bored please e-mail me at iphoneipadapphelp@gmail.com. Sure. You've done that to me too many times, Piggy! [Waldorf punches Statler in the jaw]. [they both laugh]. Statler: If you had half a mind, you wouldn't be here. Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead. [looks behind him and sees Zero not mocking him anymore] It is disgracefully lacking in culture. Bernadette Peters: Suddenly I'm not hungry. Fozzie: Muppet Show backstage. Have you looked over the music? Boris Klinger was the worst music hall act to ever step onto the stage! I'm the beautiful assistant. But you know what they say, the first thing to go on a frog are his legs. Do you see that star here?” “And, uh, do you know why it is there?” “I am the singing star of this show.” RELATED: 60+ Saruman Quotes From The Lord of the Rings Movie “Kiss your feathers goodbye, bird! As the series' popularity rose, many celebrities were eager to perform with the Muppets on television and in film. Yes I don't mind doing that but there are others who may take offense. Announcer: And now it's time for Veterinarian's Hospital, the continuing story of an orthopedic surgeon who's gone to the dogs. Zero: I am not in my dressing room, eating! Waldorf: Well, this show certainly doesn't lay any eggs. Fozzie Bear: [Rowlf and Lew Zealand exit for the stage] Go get 'em! Miss Piggy: [suddenly angry] It's the mouse you gotta hate! Who can tell you why?/Fools give you reasons/Wise men never try. I never knew that frogs had a sense of humor. I'm going home. [Fozzie has asked Harry Belafonte where he gets his ideas for his songs]. Kermit the Frog: Congratulations Fozzie. Rita Moreno: Sure you can hold anything you want. Fozzie: Prices are so high, yesterday I bought a pound of hamburger and had to have a co-signer! Scooter: He wants you to know he wants his own dressing room and star billing. #muppetlove #kermit #nice. Miss Piggy: Hold it! Kermit the Frog: Will you get on stage Fozzie? Sam the American Eagle: Ah, Beethoven. They're about the stars and the performers and the entertainers that appeared during the heyday of Vaudeville. St Croix Legend Elite, Australia Shopping World, Westjet Covid Insurance, Dps Available For Repayment Meaning, Wali Allah Name Meaning In Urdu, Crêpe Meaning In French, Jangipur Police District Sp Name, Nikon 70-300mm Lens Hood, Colfax, Ca Homes For Sale, "> . Fozzie: I can't help that. Rowlf: No, you're not. Waldorf: I've seen my fair share of cannonball-catching acts, but that had something different. Thanks a lot, Kermit, this is a lovely surprise, I'd just like to... [Gonzo's tomato plant wraps itself around her and carries her off stage]. Animal: [shakes head emphatically] No, no. They can put a man on the moon... Statler: Yeah, but they can't put a moon on a man! Is Bob Hope here yet? [sees Waldorf asleep] You too, huh? Half of them brought the tar and the rest brought the feathers! Fozzie Bear: [running on-stage] Hiya! Floyd: Yeah, but he won't make it. Kermit the Frog: Ladies and gentlemen, in a major feat of death-defying musicrobatics never seen before, the Great Gonzo will perform, on bagpipes, the Eine Kleine Nachtmusik from a flagpole ten feet in the air. That's very funny! Statler: What have you got for an opening act this time? Dateline: London. Can we have a bigger candle, please? You see, no one will know. Kermit the Frog: Well, let's sing the sappy song! Hey, Miss Piggy - Miss Piggy, is Elton John okay? Cowboy: Sorry Kid. Fozzie: [thinking they are talking about him] Did you hear? [Statler and Waldorf are wearing flamboyant Elton John-type costumes]. Fred: [to Elke Sommer] Sorry. Five series of 120 episodes were broadcast on ATV and other ITV franchises in the United Kingdom from 1976 to 1981. Kermit the Frog: [to camera] We've had a little change of plans. Statler: You're old enough to remember Teddy Roosevelt at the opening of the Panama Canal. Fozzie: New York is so crowded, even the cemeteries are standing room only. Kermit: "And now a man who needs no introduction, so what am I doing out there?" [an orchestra conductor walks up, holding a baton, his hair messed up and his body shaking; the Newsman sees him]. Waldorf: Well, so much for the prairie dogs. [both laugh]. This is the tomato plant and I am the Gonzo. Sam the American Eagle: Now, remember. The Newsman: Muppet News Flash! Kermit the Frog: And now for your amazement and confusion, The Muppet Show's resident weird person, Gonzo the Great will grow a tomato plant whilst playing the 1812 Overture on the violin. The Muppet Show and all it’s characters came di… Statler: The Rockettes. Sgt. Listen, I'm running away from home, but I did want to see you and say goodbye. A duck appears frequently in the sketches and skits. Sam the American Eagle: You mean it isn't an Italian soup? [Waldorf vanishes] Yeah, I know what you... [Statler vanishes, too]. Statler: We're look like members of the rock age! [Gonzo appears in a cloud of smoke, holding a paper] Gonzo, is that the contract from the devil? Scooter: Gee, my uncle who owns the theatre thought of this act. I don't even know what I am this time. An embarrassing situation occurred today when the Muppet reporter accidentally went on camera forgetting to put on his pants... Oh, good grief... Charlie McCarthy: Bergen, call the janitor. The band has asked me to have a word with you. Muppet Newsman: [ringing bell] 5 o'clock and all's well! Wise words, Kermit, muppet, bicycle, cykel, bike, wheels, balance, wisdom, citat, quote, funny. Watch this. The Great Gonzo: [talking about Gonzo's teddy bear] Don't tell me you don't like him either? Miss Piggy: [turns back to Kermit sharply] No. Fozzie: Hey, that Gonzo is SO dumb, he just heard that we're running short of water, so he wants us to dilute it! Last Saturday, the chicken passed her auditions and became a member of the Royal Copenhagen Ballet. Miss Piggy: Oh, this isn't going to be a Great Dane joke, is it? Kermit the Frog: Hey, listen. Fozzie Bear: Yes. So I hung up and then I went back to watching the television. Lynn Redgrave: Kermit, this has been a most unique theatrical experience. [Miss Piggy karate-chops Gonzo, then holds up one fist in the air]. Uh, isn't "Lullaby of Birdland" all right? Waldorf: You know, I'm really going to enjoy tonight! Police have recovered all the stolen property except the silverware. Waldorf: [in response to Fozzie's monologue] Hey, hey, hey! A former circus daredevil, who billed himself as Boffo the Human Cannonball, fired himself out of a cannon yesterday into a crowd of holiday shoppers. Fozzie Bear: Hey, question: What has 1,000 legs but can't walk? Candice Bergen: She was so unsophisticated, she thought Marcello Mastroianni was an Italian soup. So THAT'S what's been going on around here all night! Sgt. [Miss Piggy karate chops both of them at once, one with each hand]. [Hangs up and walks away]. There he is: the Fastest Gerkin in the West. I'm still missing a few but I'm working on it. Statler: By the way, I thought your wife was coming tonight. The Muppet Show Quotes 34250. Kermit the Frog: Not without a forklift, I can't! Jean Stapleton: Fozzie... you forgot something. Miss Piggy: [Miss Piggy karate chops both of them at once, one with each hand] That is known as getting two turkeys with one chop. Statler: Yes, unless I get lucky and break my leg. The Carrot: Watch it, lady. [Fozzie hits him in the face with a pie]. [the mackerel hits the Newsman on the head, knocking him out]. A plane carrying a load of sports equipment was forced to jettison some of its cargo. [they both laugh], The Newsman: Muppet News Flash! My only sunshine. Kermit the Frog: You can be replaced, Piggy. Gilda Radner: Cole slaw. Nov 5, 2020 - The Muppet Quotes and sayings If you would like to be added to this bored please e-mail me at iphoneipadapphelp@gmail.com. Kermit the Frog: Yeah, but the Simon Smith number is next. Fozzie Bear: Say, a funny thing to me on the way to the theater. Fozzie Bear: Uh, Kermit? "Simon Smith and his Amazing Dancing Bear". [Rowlf is playing "The Entertainer" slowly]. Statler: [sarcastically] Oh, I'm scared! He's my favorite opera singer. [the "Good grief, the comedian's a bear" routine continued]. Scooter: You know how you're planning to do the jousting scene from Camelot? The Muppet Show quotes 172 total quotes. Kermit: Sounds more like the voice of Gonzo. Kermit the Frog: And our spegial guest stap is the amazing Hapry Bela... That's Harry Belafonte, folks. Sesame Street. When you heard people say they didn't want the bear around here, they were referring to Gonzo's teddy bear. Statler: [Waldorf holds up a score card that says "1"] You gave him a 1? Rowlf: Hello, Miss Kitty. Floyd: Well, when I said I wanted to get into something heavy for the final number, Sir Knight of the Iron wasn't it. Rowlf: My own mother turns down her hearing aid when I sing this song. Kermit the Frog: [terrified] I'm very sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, Mrs. Galley didn't wish to move to Denmark, so she fricasseed the ballerina for lunch. Fozzie: [the phone rings] I'll get it! Aaah, a marriage made in heaven. [Gonzo's motorcycle from earlier is still in Waldorf and Statler's theater box, teetering on the edge]. Kermit the Frog: The photographer who was just here. I think he's just great. Fozzie Bear: Kermit, your timing must be off. Last week I've been dancing with Natalia Makarova. I can see everything. And if it isn't a joke and if there is someone or something behind me, there is no doubt a logical explan for it. Fozzie Bear: Just read off the page, frog. You work like Gregory Peck." I don't need guns to fight you. Roy Rogers: Well, I'll be glad to, Kermit. [looks up] That's a ridiculous story. What's that got to do with what we just heard? Why don't you do that act you rehearsed? Statler: Boris Klinger? Welcome to The Muppet Show. Loretta Swit: Alright then, why don't you two just kiss and make up? Among the items tossed out were ten thousand ping pong balls... [suddenly, many, many ping pong balls fall out of the sky, raining down on the Newsman's desk]... and one bowling ball. I mean, this is a great show to do. Link Hogthrob: [to Luke] Who's your tailor? Sam's Dance Partner: What's the difference between illegal and immoral? C-3PO: Excuse me, Master Luke, but where are we? Statler: You know, usually, operetta music puts me right to sleep. The Great Gonzo: The world will forever wonder who I am! Juliet Prowse: That's funny. Kermit: Well, that's about all the time we have for today, but let's thank our special guest star, Mr. Joel Grey! [suddenly, the cushion the man is sitting on comes to life and tries to attack him]. [they both laugh]. Fozzie: Hey, did you hear the one about the kangaroo that comes into a store, and a hippopotamus comes out and he says to the kanga [curtains close] HEY I WASN'T FINISHED! Wayne: Kermit, this is an ultimatum. Gee, it's really great to be here. Harry Belafonte: Well, they don't come easily, you have to get inspired. Hold it! Milton Berle: How do you like that? [they suddenly notice that their hands are stuck to the railings of their box seats], Statler, Waldorf: Oh, no! Edit. Kermit the Frog: OK, you can stay, the teddy bear can stay, both bears can stay, the Gonzo can stay. From brain of Stephen Wildish: Guess the movie Did you get them all?! [he gets cut off by the sound of a soprano diva, followed by a gunshot that causes the diva to fall on his desk]. Fozzie Bear: Alright everybody. You, sir, are a demented, sick, degenerate, barbaric, naughty freako! Statler: There's certainly none in this theater. Gonzo: [to Luke] Who's your tailor? I am a desperate bear ready for desperate measures. Miss Piggy and C3P0: C3P0: She doesn't look like the princess to me. I hired the others. Robin the Frog: Well, nobody notices me around here. The Newsman: Is this lady making a fool of me? Widespread dumping of produce has resulted from this bumper crop. Director (s): James Frawley. They'll love us. Fozzie Bear: I finally found a sure way to lose weight. [Statler looks down at the source of the smoke and screams]. Kermit: [sadly] No. There is no news tonight. Mildred: You're such a smooth dancer. Waldorf: Do you think there's life in outer space? Today is the opening day of the fishing season. Arnold Stockman, a retired shoe salesman, recently had a most unusual experience, and we at Muppet News Central feel it is a story that should be shared with everyone. Kermit the Frog: But you just said "here". Waldorf: [after "Wilkommen"] Another star in the tradition of the late great Boris Klinger. Lou Rawls: Well, let me ask you this: you see I've got this long road trip coming up, and I'm short a drummer. All Seasons Season 1 . Soprano Beverly Sills withdrew her announced plans to retire from the operatic stage. Gonzo: And she's got this cute little nose. Remember that, huh? Kermit: OK, I tell you what - you tell a joke and I will heckle you. [the motorcycle falls out of the box]. Chicken: [an unplucked and alive chicken is between the bread] Brawk! Statler: The question is, what is a muh-nah-muh-nah? What loyalty? My old buddy Bert. Kermit: Hey, keep working on that accent, it might come in handy. [a bowling ball falls out of the sky and hits the Newsman on the head, knocking him out], [Gonzo was playing "Eine Kleine Nachtmusik" on the bagpipes while sitting atop a 10 foot flagpole]. The Newsman: Here is a Muppet News Flash. Snappy patter and jokes, he knows what pleases the folks. Sgt. [runs to the desk] There is no news tonight. Fozzie: I am a telephone pole, I am made of solid wood. Kermit: Gonzo's trying to get himself killed. Just a second. Sam the Eagle: Hmm, I'm glad you agree with me. Heh heh heh. Fozzie Bear: Oh, hi, Floyd. Many, many fond memories. Sweetums: Nice lady want Sweetums to hold something else? Fozzie Bear has a plan to get back at Statler and Waldorf when he does his act, but is crushed when he's replaced by Bruce Forsyth. Miss Piggy: Kermit, do you notice that every time we have a beautiful girl on the show, you forget about me? Juliet Prowse: Well, thank you Kermit. Floyd, you just go out there and start cookin' baby. The spaceship Swine Trek is about to make a soft landing on a distant planet. Fraggle Rock, Creature Shop and similar likenesses are copyright of The Jim Henson Company. Shop affordable wall art to hang in dorms, bedrooms, offices, or anywhere blank walls aren't welcome. Fozzie Bear: Does this sound like John Wayne? I think it's terrific being with you. [the Swedish Chef tried to make fishie chowder]. Statler: You know, Gonzo would have been perfect for that movie he was going to star in. The Newsman: Uh, Mr. Beckmesser, I understand, according to doctors, you would've died instantly had you not been such a poor conductor. your own Pins on Pinterest Statler: This show brought a tear to my eye... Fozzie Bear: Hey, question: if a man born in Poland is a Pole, is a man from Holland a Hole? Flower Eating Monster: Thanks. [Roger Moore has just sung "If I Could Talk To The Animals"]. Scooter: Oh sure, boss. You KNOW that they are reading cue cards. [sees a small candle on the desk] Uh, it's too dark in here to read the news by. Link Hogthrob: No hard feelings, I hope, Miss Piggy? Floyd: Aw, you couldn't get a long enough chain! Isn’t that that cute little children’s show with puppets?” “Who am I? Who cares about the Connie Stevens spot? This evening, I will perform a feat of lunatic daring. Dohohohoh! [Statler's cigar explodes]... although some of them are really quite droll. Explore 72 Muppet Quotes (page 2) by authors including Orson Welles, Amy Adams, and Ricky Gervais at BrainyQuote. I certainly didn't! George: They haven't. Statler: Well the show tonight certainly didn't lay an egg. Scooter: Oh, boy, oh, boy, chief. Statler: Oh, no wonder! Good night. He's-a wearin' a neck-a-tie! The Great Gonzo: And now... classical music meets seafood! [Gonzo begins playing the "1812 Overture" on violin as the tomato plant grows and wraps itself around Gonzo carrying him off stage]. Leslie Uggams: Why? Gonzo: Send me! You're supposed to eat the wardrobe! Directed by … Zero Mostel: [taking a glass of water and pouring it out] Of course! It was first rate. [burns his finger as he touches the phone] Aaow! His wife had climbed the pole this morning and found that he had indeed passed away. Kermit: I've seen cheeseburgers funnier then that. Fozzie: I am too talented for my own good. [the furniture monsters chase the man out of the room]. Last week he ate the guest. The Newsman: And now, direct from the Chicago Livestock Board, here are the gestation periods. Floyd Pepper: Okay, green thing. Waldorf: Yeah, not having to watch it. The Newsman: And now this Muppet News Flash! Statler: [as they sit with an avocado] I didn't like it. Kermit the Frog: [shouting] I am not kidding! Years ago, I was a great actor, a star. Statler: You know, when I see that Judy Collins, I'm glad I left my wife. [sees Waldorf asleep]. Waldorf: [singing] You are my sunshine, my only sunshine... Statler: I'm not your son and my name's not Shine! Miss Piggy: What? Waldorf: Now why would they have a bunch of chickens singing "Baby Face"? I always send him back. She is merely... disappointed. 32058. Kermit: "And now I want you to close your eyes and think of exotic Greek dancers, because if you open them you'll see this." The Newsman: Here is a Muppet News Flash. Always remember: square is beautiful. I'm leaving the show business. I mean, who would organize a hog calling contest? Could I ask a great big favour? The comedian's a bear! [struggle to get unstuck]. Statler: Well, I once saved a rat from drowning. You know what? Bands of roving cheeses have been reported at the edge of town moving towards city center. You watched it! [breathes heavily]. I mean, how was it done? Floyd: [wearing a suit of armor] Oh, my little green friend. You have to know how to talk to him. Kermit the Frog: And where did they GO? Miss Piggy: Kermit, now that you've begged for my forgiveness... Miss Piggy: DON'T TOUCH ME, YOU JIVE GEEK! Kermit: I-In fact, that was Rudolf Nureyev. Miss Piggy: I will not hug you, you... TWIT TURKEY! Miss Piggy: [sternly, to C-3PO] Watch it, hardware! Discover and share Muppets Chef Quotes. Kermit the Frog: And now it's time to present two old friends of ours all the way from Sesame Street. Okay Lou, there's his chain, but let me ask just one favor. Edgar Bergen: Well, then probably I'm not here today. Feather Duster: [high pitched disco diva type voice] Thank you. Anyhow, gestation periods. Dom DeLuise: Yes, they were your roses. Jun 27, 2014 - Explore Christie Slifka's board "The Muppets", followed by 350 people on Pinterest. The Newsman: Dateline: Fresno. Statler: Yes, it was good. [above them, a loud whistling noise sounds, they follow it by glancing above them and to their side when something is heard crashing to the floor]. Charlie McCarthy: Yikes! Edgar Bergen: You'll have to excuse Mortimer. [a mackerel walks up, dressed in royalty; the Newsman sees him]. Rowlf: You And I And George went strolling down the park one day/And then you held my hand as if to say I Love You/Then we passed a brook and George fell in and drowned himself/And floated out to sea leaving you alone with me. Some Statler & Waldorf quotes that I like: From Muppet*Vision 3D: Fozzie: How did you get here? Statler: You think that Jekyll-Hyde stuff is expensive? Miss Piggy: Uh-huh. Kermit: No. Yeah! OK, the ball is in your court, frog! Luke Skywalker: [pointing at Miss Piggy, who's dressed like Princess Leia] Look, it's the Princess! The Newsman: Yes, Dr. Ogelbaum, can you tell us about this cure? Statler: [responding to the Muppets performing "Cotton Fields"] I can remember when cotton was king. This is a great chance for you. Sgt. Rowlf: All right. Waldorf: Actually, that's your basic Pig Latin number. Speak up, my hearing aid's not working! Vincent Price: Well, if you will forgive my modesty, Kermit, that is the talent of the actor's. Fozzie Bear: Yes, all right! Waldorf: Do what? Milton Berle: You know, most people don't know that there are words to that song. If you would like to be added to this bored please e-mail me at iphoneipadapphelp@gmail.com. Sure. You've done that to me too many times, Piggy! [Waldorf punches Statler in the jaw]. [they both laugh]. Statler: If you had half a mind, you wouldn't be here. Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead. [looks behind him and sees Zero not mocking him anymore] It is disgracefully lacking in culture. Bernadette Peters: Suddenly I'm not hungry. Fozzie: Muppet Show backstage. Have you looked over the music? Boris Klinger was the worst music hall act to ever step onto the stage! I'm the beautiful assistant. But you know what they say, the first thing to go on a frog are his legs. Do you see that star here?” “And, uh, do you know why it is there?” “I am the singing star of this show.” RELATED: 60+ Saruman Quotes From The Lord of the Rings Movie “Kiss your feathers goodbye, bird! As the series' popularity rose, many celebrities were eager to perform with the Muppets on television and in film. Yes I don't mind doing that but there are others who may take offense. Announcer: And now it's time for Veterinarian's Hospital, the continuing story of an orthopedic surgeon who's gone to the dogs. Zero: I am not in my dressing room, eating! Waldorf: Well, this show certainly doesn't lay any eggs. Fozzie Bear: [Rowlf and Lew Zealand exit for the stage] Go get 'em! Miss Piggy: [suddenly angry] It's the mouse you gotta hate! Who can tell you why?/Fools give you reasons/Wise men never try. I never knew that frogs had a sense of humor. I'm going home. [Fozzie has asked Harry Belafonte where he gets his ideas for his songs]. Kermit the Frog: Congratulations Fozzie. Rita Moreno: Sure you can hold anything you want. Fozzie: Prices are so high, yesterday I bought a pound of hamburger and had to have a co-signer! Scooter: He wants you to know he wants his own dressing room and star billing. #muppetlove #kermit #nice. Miss Piggy: Hold it! Kermit the Frog: Will you get on stage Fozzie? Sam the American Eagle: Ah, Beethoven. They're about the stars and the performers and the entertainers that appeared during the heyday of Vaudeville. St Croix Legend Elite, Australia Shopping World, Westjet Covid Insurance, Dps Available For Repayment Meaning, Wali Allah Name Meaning In Urdu, Crêpe Meaning In French, Jangipur Police District Sp Name, Nikon 70-300mm Lens Hood, Colfax, Ca Homes For Sale, muppet show quotes January 20th, 2021" /> . Fozzie: I can't help that. Rowlf: No, you're not. Waldorf: I've seen my fair share of cannonball-catching acts, but that had something different. Thanks a lot, Kermit, this is a lovely surprise, I'd just like to... [Gonzo's tomato plant wraps itself around her and carries her off stage]. Animal: [shakes head emphatically] No, no. They can put a man on the moon... Statler: Yeah, but they can't put a moon on a man! Is Bob Hope here yet? [sees Waldorf asleep] You too, huh? Half of them brought the tar and the rest brought the feathers! Fozzie Bear: [running on-stage] Hiya! Floyd: Yeah, but he won't make it. Kermit the Frog: Ladies and gentlemen, in a major feat of death-defying musicrobatics never seen before, the Great Gonzo will perform, on bagpipes, the Eine Kleine Nachtmusik from a flagpole ten feet in the air. That's very funny! Statler: What have you got for an opening act this time? Dateline: London. Can we have a bigger candle, please? You see, no one will know. Kermit the Frog: Well, let's sing the sappy song! Hey, Miss Piggy - Miss Piggy, is Elton John okay? Cowboy: Sorry Kid. Fozzie: [thinking they are talking about him] Did you hear? [Statler and Waldorf are wearing flamboyant Elton John-type costumes]. Fred: [to Elke Sommer] Sorry. Five series of 120 episodes were broadcast on ATV and other ITV franchises in the United Kingdom from 1976 to 1981. Kermit the Frog: [to camera] We've had a little change of plans. Statler: You're old enough to remember Teddy Roosevelt at the opening of the Panama Canal. Fozzie: New York is so crowded, even the cemeteries are standing room only. Kermit: "And now a man who needs no introduction, so what am I doing out there?" [an orchestra conductor walks up, holding a baton, his hair messed up and his body shaking; the Newsman sees him]. Waldorf: Well, so much for the prairie dogs. [both laugh]. This is the tomato plant and I am the Gonzo. Sam the American Eagle: Now, remember. The Newsman: Muppet News Flash! Kermit the Frog: And now for your amazement and confusion, The Muppet Show's resident weird person, Gonzo the Great will grow a tomato plant whilst playing the 1812 Overture on the violin. The Muppet Show and all it’s characters came di… Statler: The Rockettes. Sgt. Listen, I'm running away from home, but I did want to see you and say goodbye. A duck appears frequently in the sketches and skits. Sam the American Eagle: You mean it isn't an Italian soup? [Waldorf vanishes] Yeah, I know what you... [Statler vanishes, too]. Statler: We're look like members of the rock age! [Gonzo appears in a cloud of smoke, holding a paper] Gonzo, is that the contract from the devil? Scooter: Gee, my uncle who owns the theatre thought of this act. I don't even know what I am this time. An embarrassing situation occurred today when the Muppet reporter accidentally went on camera forgetting to put on his pants... Oh, good grief... Charlie McCarthy: Bergen, call the janitor. The band has asked me to have a word with you. Muppet Newsman: [ringing bell] 5 o'clock and all's well! Wise words, Kermit, muppet, bicycle, cykel, bike, wheels, balance, wisdom, citat, quote, funny. Watch this. The Great Gonzo: [talking about Gonzo's teddy bear] Don't tell me you don't like him either? Miss Piggy: [turns back to Kermit sharply] No. Fozzie: Hey, that Gonzo is SO dumb, he just heard that we're running short of water, so he wants us to dilute it! Last Saturday, the chicken passed her auditions and became a member of the Royal Copenhagen Ballet. Miss Piggy: Oh, this isn't going to be a Great Dane joke, is it? Kermit the Frog: Hey, listen. Fozzie Bear: Yes. So I hung up and then I went back to watching the television. Lynn Redgrave: Kermit, this has been a most unique theatrical experience. [Miss Piggy karate-chops Gonzo, then holds up one fist in the air]. Uh, isn't "Lullaby of Birdland" all right? Waldorf: You know, I'm really going to enjoy tonight! Police have recovered all the stolen property except the silverware. Waldorf: [in response to Fozzie's monologue] Hey, hey, hey! A former circus daredevil, who billed himself as Boffo the Human Cannonball, fired himself out of a cannon yesterday into a crowd of holiday shoppers. Fozzie Bear: Hey, question: What has 1,000 legs but can't walk? Candice Bergen: She was so unsophisticated, she thought Marcello Mastroianni was an Italian soup. So THAT'S what's been going on around here all night! Sgt. [Miss Piggy karate chops both of them at once, one with each hand]. [Hangs up and walks away]. There he is: the Fastest Gerkin in the West. I'm still missing a few but I'm working on it. Statler: By the way, I thought your wife was coming tonight. The Muppet Show Quotes 34250. Kermit the Frog: Not without a forklift, I can't! Jean Stapleton: Fozzie... you forgot something. Miss Piggy: [Miss Piggy karate chops both of them at once, one with each hand] That is known as getting two turkeys with one chop. Statler: Yes, unless I get lucky and break my leg. The Carrot: Watch it, lady. [Fozzie hits him in the face with a pie]. [the mackerel hits the Newsman on the head, knocking him out]. A plane carrying a load of sports equipment was forced to jettison some of its cargo. [they both laugh], The Newsman: Muppet News Flash! My only sunshine. Kermit the Frog: You can be replaced, Piggy. Gilda Radner: Cole slaw. Nov 5, 2020 - The Muppet Quotes and sayings If you would like to be added to this bored please e-mail me at iphoneipadapphelp@gmail.com. Kermit the Frog: Yeah, but the Simon Smith number is next. Fozzie Bear: Say, a funny thing to me on the way to the theater. Fozzie Bear: Uh, Kermit? "Simon Smith and his Amazing Dancing Bear". [Rowlf is playing "The Entertainer" slowly]. Statler: [sarcastically] Oh, I'm scared! He's my favorite opera singer. [the "Good grief, the comedian's a bear" routine continued]. Scooter: You know how you're planning to do the jousting scene from Camelot? The Muppet Show quotes 172 total quotes. Kermit: Sounds more like the voice of Gonzo. Kermit the Frog: And our spegial guest stap is the amazing Hapry Bela... That's Harry Belafonte, folks. Sesame Street. When you heard people say they didn't want the bear around here, they were referring to Gonzo's teddy bear. Statler: [Waldorf holds up a score card that says "1"] You gave him a 1? Rowlf: Hello, Miss Kitty. Floyd: Well, when I said I wanted to get into something heavy for the final number, Sir Knight of the Iron wasn't it. Rowlf: My own mother turns down her hearing aid when I sing this song. Kermit the Frog: [terrified] I'm very sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, Mrs. Galley didn't wish to move to Denmark, so she fricasseed the ballerina for lunch. Fozzie: [the phone rings] I'll get it! Aaah, a marriage made in heaven. [Gonzo's motorcycle from earlier is still in Waldorf and Statler's theater box, teetering on the edge]. Kermit the Frog: The photographer who was just here. I think he's just great. Fozzie Bear: Kermit, your timing must be off. Last week I've been dancing with Natalia Makarova. I can see everything. And if it isn't a joke and if there is someone or something behind me, there is no doubt a logical explan for it. Fozzie Bear: Just read off the page, frog. You work like Gregory Peck." I don't need guns to fight you. Roy Rogers: Well, I'll be glad to, Kermit. [looks up] That's a ridiculous story. What's that got to do with what we just heard? Why don't you do that act you rehearsed? Statler: Boris Klinger? Welcome to The Muppet Show. Loretta Swit: Alright then, why don't you two just kiss and make up? Among the items tossed out were ten thousand ping pong balls... [suddenly, many, many ping pong balls fall out of the sky, raining down on the Newsman's desk]... and one bowling ball. I mean, this is a great show to do. Link Hogthrob: [to Luke] Who's your tailor? Sam's Dance Partner: What's the difference between illegal and immoral? C-3PO: Excuse me, Master Luke, but where are we? Statler: You know, usually, operetta music puts me right to sleep. The Great Gonzo: The world will forever wonder who I am! Juliet Prowse: That's funny. Kermit: Well, that's about all the time we have for today, but let's thank our special guest star, Mr. Joel Grey! [suddenly, the cushion the man is sitting on comes to life and tries to attack him]. [they both laugh]. Fozzie: Hey, did you hear the one about the kangaroo that comes into a store, and a hippopotamus comes out and he says to the kanga [curtains close] HEY I WASN'T FINISHED! Wayne: Kermit, this is an ultimatum. Gee, it's really great to be here. Harry Belafonte: Well, they don't come easily, you have to get inspired. Hold it! Milton Berle: How do you like that? [they suddenly notice that their hands are stuck to the railings of their box seats], Statler, Waldorf: Oh, no! Edit. Kermit the Frog: OK, you can stay, the teddy bear can stay, both bears can stay, the Gonzo can stay. From brain of Stephen Wildish: Guess the movie Did you get them all?! [he gets cut off by the sound of a soprano diva, followed by a gunshot that causes the diva to fall on his desk]. Fozzie Bear: Alright everybody. You, sir, are a demented, sick, degenerate, barbaric, naughty freako! Statler: There's certainly none in this theater. Gonzo: [to Luke] Who's your tailor? I am a desperate bear ready for desperate measures. Miss Piggy and C3P0: C3P0: She doesn't look like the princess to me. I hired the others. Robin the Frog: Well, nobody notices me around here. The Newsman: Is this lady making a fool of me? Widespread dumping of produce has resulted from this bumper crop. Director (s): James Frawley. They'll love us. Fozzie Bear: I finally found a sure way to lose weight. [Statler looks down at the source of the smoke and screams]. Kermit: [sadly] No. There is no news tonight. Mildred: You're such a smooth dancer. Waldorf: Do you think there's life in outer space? Today is the opening day of the fishing season. Arnold Stockman, a retired shoe salesman, recently had a most unusual experience, and we at Muppet News Central feel it is a story that should be shared with everyone. Kermit the Frog: But you just said "here". Waldorf: [after "Wilkommen"] Another star in the tradition of the late great Boris Klinger. Lou Rawls: Well, let me ask you this: you see I've got this long road trip coming up, and I'm short a drummer. All Seasons Season 1 . Soprano Beverly Sills withdrew her announced plans to retire from the operatic stage. Gonzo: And she's got this cute little nose. Remember that, huh? Kermit: OK, I tell you what - you tell a joke and I will heckle you. [the motorcycle falls out of the box]. Chicken: [an unplucked and alive chicken is between the bread] Brawk! Statler: The question is, what is a muh-nah-muh-nah? What loyalty? My old buddy Bert. Kermit: Hey, keep working on that accent, it might come in handy. [a bowling ball falls out of the sky and hits the Newsman on the head, knocking him out], [Gonzo was playing "Eine Kleine Nachtmusik" on the bagpipes while sitting atop a 10 foot flagpole]. The Newsman: Here is a Muppet News Flash. Snappy patter and jokes, he knows what pleases the folks. Sgt. [runs to the desk] There is no news tonight. Fozzie: I am a telephone pole, I am made of solid wood. Kermit: Gonzo's trying to get himself killed. Just a second. Sam the Eagle: Hmm, I'm glad you agree with me. Heh heh heh. Fozzie Bear: Oh, hi, Floyd. Many, many fond memories. Sweetums: Nice lady want Sweetums to hold something else? Fozzie Bear has a plan to get back at Statler and Waldorf when he does his act, but is crushed when he's replaced by Bruce Forsyth. Miss Piggy: Kermit, do you notice that every time we have a beautiful girl on the show, you forget about me? Juliet Prowse: Well, thank you Kermit. Floyd, you just go out there and start cookin' baby. The spaceship Swine Trek is about to make a soft landing on a distant planet. Fraggle Rock, Creature Shop and similar likenesses are copyright of The Jim Henson Company. Shop affordable wall art to hang in dorms, bedrooms, offices, or anywhere blank walls aren't welcome. Fozzie Bear: Does this sound like John Wayne? I think it's terrific being with you. [the Swedish Chef tried to make fishie chowder]. Statler: You know, Gonzo would have been perfect for that movie he was going to star in. The Newsman: Uh, Mr. Beckmesser, I understand, according to doctors, you would've died instantly had you not been such a poor conductor. your own Pins on Pinterest Statler: This show brought a tear to my eye... Fozzie Bear: Hey, question: if a man born in Poland is a Pole, is a man from Holland a Hole? Flower Eating Monster: Thanks. [Roger Moore has just sung "If I Could Talk To The Animals"]. Scooter: Oh sure, boss. You KNOW that they are reading cue cards. [sees a small candle on the desk] Uh, it's too dark in here to read the news by. Link Hogthrob: No hard feelings, I hope, Miss Piggy? Floyd: Aw, you couldn't get a long enough chain! Isn’t that that cute little children’s show with puppets?” “Who am I? Who cares about the Connie Stevens spot? This evening, I will perform a feat of lunatic daring. Dohohohoh! [Statler's cigar explodes]... although some of them are really quite droll. Explore 72 Muppet Quotes (page 2) by authors including Orson Welles, Amy Adams, and Ricky Gervais at BrainyQuote. I certainly didn't! George: They haven't. Statler: Well the show tonight certainly didn't lay an egg. Scooter: Oh, boy, oh, boy, chief. Statler: Oh, no wonder! Good night. He's-a wearin' a neck-a-tie! The Great Gonzo: And now... classical music meets seafood! [Gonzo begins playing the "1812 Overture" on violin as the tomato plant grows and wraps itself around Gonzo carrying him off stage]. Leslie Uggams: Why? Gonzo: Send me! You're supposed to eat the wardrobe! Directed by … Zero Mostel: [taking a glass of water and pouring it out] Of course! It was first rate. [burns his finger as he touches the phone] Aaow! His wife had climbed the pole this morning and found that he had indeed passed away. Kermit: I've seen cheeseburgers funnier then that. Fozzie: I am too talented for my own good. [the furniture monsters chase the man out of the room]. Last week he ate the guest. The Newsman: And now, direct from the Chicago Livestock Board, here are the gestation periods. Floyd Pepper: Okay, green thing. Waldorf: Yeah, not having to watch it. The Newsman: And now this Muppet News Flash! Statler: [as they sit with an avocado] I didn't like it. Kermit the Frog: [shouting] I am not kidding! Years ago, I was a great actor, a star. Statler: You know, when I see that Judy Collins, I'm glad I left my wife. [sees Waldorf asleep]. Waldorf: [singing] You are my sunshine, my only sunshine... Statler: I'm not your son and my name's not Shine! Miss Piggy: What? Waldorf: Now why would they have a bunch of chickens singing "Baby Face"? I always send him back. She is merely... disappointed. 32058. Kermit: "And now I want you to close your eyes and think of exotic Greek dancers, because if you open them you'll see this." The Newsman: Here is a Muppet News Flash. Always remember: square is beautiful. I'm leaving the show business. I mean, who would organize a hog calling contest? Could I ask a great big favour? The comedian's a bear! [struggle to get unstuck]. Statler: Well, I once saved a rat from drowning. You know what? Bands of roving cheeses have been reported at the edge of town moving towards city center. You watched it! [breathes heavily]. I mean, how was it done? Floyd: [wearing a suit of armor] Oh, my little green friend. You have to know how to talk to him. Kermit the Frog: And where did they GO? Miss Piggy: Kermit, now that you've begged for my forgiveness... Miss Piggy: DON'T TOUCH ME, YOU JIVE GEEK! Kermit: I-In fact, that was Rudolf Nureyev. Miss Piggy: I will not hug you, you... TWIT TURKEY! Miss Piggy: [sternly, to C-3PO] Watch it, hardware! Discover and share Muppets Chef Quotes. Kermit the Frog: And now it's time to present two old friends of ours all the way from Sesame Street. Okay Lou, there's his chain, but let me ask just one favor. Edgar Bergen: Well, then probably I'm not here today. Feather Duster: [high pitched disco diva type voice] Thank you. Anyhow, gestation periods. Dom DeLuise: Yes, they were your roses. Jun 27, 2014 - Explore Christie Slifka's board "The Muppets", followed by 350 people on Pinterest. The Newsman: Dateline: Fresno. Statler: Yes, it was good. [above them, a loud whistling noise sounds, they follow it by glancing above them and to their side when something is heard crashing to the floor]. Charlie McCarthy: Yikes! Edgar Bergen: You'll have to excuse Mortimer. [a mackerel walks up, dressed in royalty; the Newsman sees him]. Rowlf: You And I And George went strolling down the park one day/And then you held my hand as if to say I Love You/Then we passed a brook and George fell in and drowned himself/And floated out to sea leaving you alone with me. Some Statler & Waldorf quotes that I like: From Muppet*Vision 3D: Fozzie: How did you get here? Statler: You think that Jekyll-Hyde stuff is expensive? Miss Piggy: Uh-huh. Kermit: No. Yeah! OK, the ball is in your court, frog! Luke Skywalker: [pointing at Miss Piggy, who's dressed like Princess Leia] Look, it's the Princess! The Newsman: Yes, Dr. Ogelbaum, can you tell us about this cure? Statler: [responding to the Muppets performing "Cotton Fields"] I can remember when cotton was king. This is a great chance for you. Sgt. Rowlf: All right. Waldorf: Actually, that's your basic Pig Latin number. Speak up, my hearing aid's not working! Vincent Price: Well, if you will forgive my modesty, Kermit, that is the talent of the actor's. Fozzie Bear: Yes, all right! Waldorf: Do what? Milton Berle: You know, most people don't know that there are words to that song. If you would like to be added to this bored please e-mail me at iphoneipadapphelp@gmail.com. Sure. You've done that to me too many times, Piggy! [Waldorf punches Statler in the jaw]. [they both laugh]. Statler: If you had half a mind, you wouldn't be here. Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead. [looks behind him and sees Zero not mocking him anymore] It is disgracefully lacking in culture. Bernadette Peters: Suddenly I'm not hungry. Fozzie: Muppet Show backstage. Have you looked over the music? Boris Klinger was the worst music hall act to ever step onto the stage! I'm the beautiful assistant. But you know what they say, the first thing to go on a frog are his legs. Do you see that star here?” “And, uh, do you know why it is there?” “I am the singing star of this show.” RELATED: 60+ Saruman Quotes From The Lord of the Rings Movie “Kiss your feathers goodbye, bird! As the series' popularity rose, many celebrities were eager to perform with the Muppets on television and in film. Yes I don't mind doing that but there are others who may take offense. Announcer: And now it's time for Veterinarian's Hospital, the continuing story of an orthopedic surgeon who's gone to the dogs. Zero: I am not in my dressing room, eating! Waldorf: Well, this show certainly doesn't lay any eggs. Fozzie Bear: [Rowlf and Lew Zealand exit for the stage] Go get 'em! Miss Piggy: [suddenly angry] It's the mouse you gotta hate! Who can tell you why?/Fools give you reasons/Wise men never try. I never knew that frogs had a sense of humor. I'm going home. [Fozzie has asked Harry Belafonte where he gets his ideas for his songs]. Kermit the Frog: Congratulations Fozzie. Rita Moreno: Sure you can hold anything you want. Fozzie: Prices are so high, yesterday I bought a pound of hamburger and had to have a co-signer! Scooter: He wants you to know he wants his own dressing room and star billing. #muppetlove #kermit #nice. Miss Piggy: Hold it! Kermit the Frog: Will you get on stage Fozzie? Sam the American Eagle: Ah, Beethoven. They're about the stars and the performers and the entertainers that appeared during the heyday of Vaudeville. St Croix Legend Elite, Australia Shopping World, Westjet Covid Insurance, Dps Available For Repayment Meaning, Wali Allah Name Meaning In Urdu, Crêpe Meaning In French, Jangipur Police District Sp Name, Nikon 70-300mm Lens Hood, Colfax, Ca Homes For Sale, muppet show quotes January 20th, 2021" />
20th January 2021

muppet show quotes

Season 2 Season 3 Season 4 Season 5 View Quote. I guess. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. You have much indeed to learn about today's slang. Kermit the Frog: [after the Feather Duster and the feather boas performed] Ok, very nice. Dom DeLuise: Actually, the little teensy basket of fruit is more suitable to you. This wallpaper has been tagged with the following keywords: beaker, muppet, quotes, show, 1920x1200, 18203. Robot Kermit: Yeah. Waldorf: Yep, that's probably how she did it. Fozzie Bear: Hey, have you heard the one about this very fat pig? Stars: Jim Henson, Frank Oz, Jerry Nelson, Richard Hunt, Dave Goelz. Lola Bramswell: No, not really, except that twice a day, I find myself going in and out with the tide. I hated it! Scooter: Okay, Kemit. Then Fozzie and Bruce end up performing together, and sing "Side by Side." But this is terrible, I can't live my life being you. Scooter: The only one of us who'd fit in that iron suit. Too subtle? [chuckles]. Kermit the Frog: Hey Fozzie, where are you going? Waldorf: [looking down from the balcony] He shouldn't have jumped. Kermit the Frog: OK, well, we've done a lot for the music-lovers on the show, so it's time we did something for the music-haters. WHY YOU... [Link suddenly opens a trap door under Piggy, who falls through; he then looks down at it as Piggy suddenly pops up behind him through another trap door], Miss Piggy: [taps Link on the shoulder to get his attention] Fatso this! Miss Piggy: Oh, well, uh, yeah, what, uh... Gonzo: Well, she's nothing like you at all. Bert: You may a stranger across a crowded room/And somehow you'll know, you know even then/That somewhere you'll see her again and again/Who can explain it? [they both laugh], The Newsman: Here is a Muppet News Flash. Leslie Uggams: I give him the straight lines, and he gives me the fish lines. Kermit: [Alice Cooper is the guest star; candle is walking on his desk unaided] It wasn't this scary when Julie Andrews did the show. Statler: Why would he want to remember this? Kermit: What? George Burns: I like that joke. I'm scared! Fozzie Bear: Thirty days hath September, April, June, and my cousin Fred who gets out on Wednesday. I sang the hit song from Cole. Except that Maid Marian has been kidnapped, the sheriff's up to no good, that dog is stealing the cheese, Kermit's mad at Piggy, and it's really only 4:30. [tempo increases and the Muppets come on the stage]. Dr. Honeydew: Dr. Bunsen Honeydew here at Muppet Labs where the future is being made today. [moves to the wardrobe]. Kermit the Frog: Please, Fozzie, No jokes right now. Unique The Muppet Show Quotes Posters designed and sold by artists. Kermit: What? Edit Buy. Floyd Pepper: I refer, specifically to the closing number. Kermit: Though some may harbor suspicions. Waldorf: You are my sunshine! Discover (and save!) The Muppet Show is a comedy television series created by Jim Henson and featuring the Muppets. [after performing a frantic version of "Wild Thing" with his drum set, Animal gets dragged offstage with nets]. You're a square bear that ought to be served medium rare. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. What do they know about art? Waldorf: You know, it's too bad Gonzo's leaving the show. Waldorf: Maybe he should quit while he's ahead. Then you pour honey over yourself, and you hold your breath for about an hour or so. Well Bert, what do you say? It's very Cole Porte-ry. [sees Waldorf asleep] Besides me? Kermit the Frog: Scooter, you're not doing an act on the show tonight. [suddenly, the man's cabinet comes to life, growing angry eyes and teeth and comes at him, growling]. Lou Rawls: Come on, Floyd. The Newsman: Here's a Muppet News Flash. You weirdo! Juliet Prowse: No, none whatsoever. Waldorf: Darn, I'd better get some new batteries for my hearing aid. Statler: [Statler and Waldorf are dressed as Tweedledee and Tweedledum] What's that noise? Ernie: Bert, you must admit, though, Bert, that the head up there is a little bit pointy, Bert. Fifteen seconds to curtain Miss Peters. Wayne: ...I can't wait for the Connie Stevens spot! You're a star. I'm a star. Our Muppet cameras are on the scene, and we'll speak with Dr. Ogelbaum about this great medical breakthrough. Floyd Pepper: Every show, Statler and Waldorf sit up here, show after show after show. Dignity, dignity! Maybe somebody must have broken their ig. --Sean Axmaker. This is an update on the Henderson burglary. Think about it. Lola Thomas: Oh, medium rare or thereabouts. Floyd Pepper: I'll see that bet and raise you five. Kermit: That's a cheap joke. Statler: [as he and Waldorf continue to watch TV] Well, what do you think of television? Kermit the Frog: Oh, Miss Piggy appears angry. The Muppet Show quotes 172 total quotes. Kill! Gonzo: Hey, Uncle Milty. Fozzie Bear: Hey, the little things in life drive me crazy, like, what do you send to a sick florist? . Fozzie: I can't help that. Rowlf: No, you're not. Waldorf: I've seen my fair share of cannonball-catching acts, but that had something different. Thanks a lot, Kermit, this is a lovely surprise, I'd just like to... [Gonzo's tomato plant wraps itself around her and carries her off stage]. Animal: [shakes head emphatically] No, no. They can put a man on the moon... Statler: Yeah, but they can't put a moon on a man! Is Bob Hope here yet? [sees Waldorf asleep] You too, huh? Half of them brought the tar and the rest brought the feathers! Fozzie Bear: [running on-stage] Hiya! Floyd: Yeah, but he won't make it. Kermit the Frog: Ladies and gentlemen, in a major feat of death-defying musicrobatics never seen before, the Great Gonzo will perform, on bagpipes, the Eine Kleine Nachtmusik from a flagpole ten feet in the air. That's very funny! Statler: What have you got for an opening act this time? Dateline: London. Can we have a bigger candle, please? You see, no one will know. Kermit the Frog: Well, let's sing the sappy song! Hey, Miss Piggy - Miss Piggy, is Elton John okay? Cowboy: Sorry Kid. Fozzie: [thinking they are talking about him] Did you hear? [Statler and Waldorf are wearing flamboyant Elton John-type costumes]. Fred: [to Elke Sommer] Sorry. Five series of 120 episodes were broadcast on ATV and other ITV franchises in the United Kingdom from 1976 to 1981. Kermit the Frog: [to camera] We've had a little change of plans. Statler: You're old enough to remember Teddy Roosevelt at the opening of the Panama Canal. Fozzie: New York is so crowded, even the cemeteries are standing room only. Kermit: "And now a man who needs no introduction, so what am I doing out there?" [an orchestra conductor walks up, holding a baton, his hair messed up and his body shaking; the Newsman sees him]. Waldorf: Well, so much for the prairie dogs. [both laugh]. This is the tomato plant and I am the Gonzo. Sam the American Eagle: Now, remember. The Newsman: Muppet News Flash! Kermit the Frog: And now for your amazement and confusion, The Muppet Show's resident weird person, Gonzo the Great will grow a tomato plant whilst playing the 1812 Overture on the violin. The Muppet Show and all it’s characters came di… Statler: The Rockettes. Sgt. Listen, I'm running away from home, but I did want to see you and say goodbye. A duck appears frequently in the sketches and skits. Sam the American Eagle: You mean it isn't an Italian soup? [Waldorf vanishes] Yeah, I know what you... [Statler vanishes, too]. Statler: We're look like members of the rock age! [Gonzo appears in a cloud of smoke, holding a paper] Gonzo, is that the contract from the devil? Scooter: Gee, my uncle who owns the theatre thought of this act. I don't even know what I am this time. An embarrassing situation occurred today when the Muppet reporter accidentally went on camera forgetting to put on his pants... Oh, good grief... Charlie McCarthy: Bergen, call the janitor. The band has asked me to have a word with you. Muppet Newsman: [ringing bell] 5 o'clock and all's well! Wise words, Kermit, muppet, bicycle, cykel, bike, wheels, balance, wisdom, citat, quote, funny. Watch this. The Great Gonzo: [talking about Gonzo's teddy bear] Don't tell me you don't like him either? Miss Piggy: [turns back to Kermit sharply] No. Fozzie: Hey, that Gonzo is SO dumb, he just heard that we're running short of water, so he wants us to dilute it! Last Saturday, the chicken passed her auditions and became a member of the Royal Copenhagen Ballet. Miss Piggy: Oh, this isn't going to be a Great Dane joke, is it? Kermit the Frog: Hey, listen. Fozzie Bear: Yes. So I hung up and then I went back to watching the television. Lynn Redgrave: Kermit, this has been a most unique theatrical experience. [Miss Piggy karate-chops Gonzo, then holds up one fist in the air]. Uh, isn't "Lullaby of Birdland" all right? Waldorf: You know, I'm really going to enjoy tonight! Police have recovered all the stolen property except the silverware. Waldorf: [in response to Fozzie's monologue] Hey, hey, hey! A former circus daredevil, who billed himself as Boffo the Human Cannonball, fired himself out of a cannon yesterday into a crowd of holiday shoppers. Fozzie Bear: Hey, question: What has 1,000 legs but can't walk? Candice Bergen: She was so unsophisticated, she thought Marcello Mastroianni was an Italian soup. So THAT'S what's been going on around here all night! Sgt. [Miss Piggy karate chops both of them at once, one with each hand]. [Hangs up and walks away]. There he is: the Fastest Gerkin in the West. I'm still missing a few but I'm working on it. Statler: By the way, I thought your wife was coming tonight. The Muppet Show Quotes 34250. Kermit the Frog: Not without a forklift, I can't! Jean Stapleton: Fozzie... you forgot something. Miss Piggy: [Miss Piggy karate chops both of them at once, one with each hand] That is known as getting two turkeys with one chop. Statler: Yes, unless I get lucky and break my leg. The Carrot: Watch it, lady. [Fozzie hits him in the face with a pie]. [the mackerel hits the Newsman on the head, knocking him out]. A plane carrying a load of sports equipment was forced to jettison some of its cargo. [they both laugh], The Newsman: Muppet News Flash! My only sunshine. Kermit the Frog: You can be replaced, Piggy. Gilda Radner: Cole slaw. Nov 5, 2020 - The Muppet Quotes and sayings If you would like to be added to this bored please e-mail me at iphoneipadapphelp@gmail.com. Kermit the Frog: Yeah, but the Simon Smith number is next. Fozzie Bear: Say, a funny thing to me on the way to the theater. Fozzie Bear: Uh, Kermit? "Simon Smith and his Amazing Dancing Bear". [Rowlf is playing "The Entertainer" slowly]. Statler: [sarcastically] Oh, I'm scared! He's my favorite opera singer. [the "Good grief, the comedian's a bear" routine continued]. Scooter: You know how you're planning to do the jousting scene from Camelot? The Muppet Show quotes 172 total quotes. Kermit: Sounds more like the voice of Gonzo. Kermit the Frog: And our spegial guest stap is the amazing Hapry Bela... That's Harry Belafonte, folks. Sesame Street. When you heard people say they didn't want the bear around here, they were referring to Gonzo's teddy bear. Statler: [Waldorf holds up a score card that says "1"] You gave him a 1? Rowlf: Hello, Miss Kitty. Floyd: Well, when I said I wanted to get into something heavy for the final number, Sir Knight of the Iron wasn't it. Rowlf: My own mother turns down her hearing aid when I sing this song. Kermit the Frog: [terrified] I'm very sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, Mrs. Galley didn't wish to move to Denmark, so she fricasseed the ballerina for lunch. Fozzie: [the phone rings] I'll get it! Aaah, a marriage made in heaven. [Gonzo's motorcycle from earlier is still in Waldorf and Statler's theater box, teetering on the edge]. Kermit the Frog: The photographer who was just here. I think he's just great. Fozzie Bear: Kermit, your timing must be off. Last week I've been dancing with Natalia Makarova. I can see everything. And if it isn't a joke and if there is someone or something behind me, there is no doubt a logical explan for it. Fozzie Bear: Just read off the page, frog. You work like Gregory Peck." I don't need guns to fight you. Roy Rogers: Well, I'll be glad to, Kermit. [looks up] That's a ridiculous story. What's that got to do with what we just heard? Why don't you do that act you rehearsed? Statler: Boris Klinger? Welcome to The Muppet Show. Loretta Swit: Alright then, why don't you two just kiss and make up? Among the items tossed out were ten thousand ping pong balls... [suddenly, many, many ping pong balls fall out of the sky, raining down on the Newsman's desk]... and one bowling ball. I mean, this is a great show to do. Link Hogthrob: [to Luke] Who's your tailor? Sam's Dance Partner: What's the difference between illegal and immoral? C-3PO: Excuse me, Master Luke, but where are we? Statler: You know, usually, operetta music puts me right to sleep. The Great Gonzo: The world will forever wonder who I am! Juliet Prowse: That's funny. Kermit: Well, that's about all the time we have for today, but let's thank our special guest star, Mr. Joel Grey! [suddenly, the cushion the man is sitting on comes to life and tries to attack him]. [they both laugh]. Fozzie: Hey, did you hear the one about the kangaroo that comes into a store, and a hippopotamus comes out and he says to the kanga [curtains close] HEY I WASN'T FINISHED! Wayne: Kermit, this is an ultimatum. Gee, it's really great to be here. Harry Belafonte: Well, they don't come easily, you have to get inspired. Hold it! Milton Berle: How do you like that? [they suddenly notice that their hands are stuck to the railings of their box seats], Statler, Waldorf: Oh, no! Edit. Kermit the Frog: OK, you can stay, the teddy bear can stay, both bears can stay, the Gonzo can stay. From brain of Stephen Wildish: Guess the movie Did you get them all?! [he gets cut off by the sound of a soprano diva, followed by a gunshot that causes the diva to fall on his desk]. Fozzie Bear: Alright everybody. You, sir, are a demented, sick, degenerate, barbaric, naughty freako! Statler: There's certainly none in this theater. Gonzo: [to Luke] Who's your tailor? I am a desperate bear ready for desperate measures. Miss Piggy and C3P0: C3P0: She doesn't look like the princess to me. I hired the others. Robin the Frog: Well, nobody notices me around here. The Newsman: Is this lady making a fool of me? Widespread dumping of produce has resulted from this bumper crop. Director (s): James Frawley. They'll love us. Fozzie Bear: I finally found a sure way to lose weight. [Statler looks down at the source of the smoke and screams]. Kermit: [sadly] No. There is no news tonight. Mildred: You're such a smooth dancer. Waldorf: Do you think there's life in outer space? Today is the opening day of the fishing season. Arnold Stockman, a retired shoe salesman, recently had a most unusual experience, and we at Muppet News Central feel it is a story that should be shared with everyone. Kermit the Frog: But you just said "here". Waldorf: [after "Wilkommen"] Another star in the tradition of the late great Boris Klinger. Lou Rawls: Well, let me ask you this: you see I've got this long road trip coming up, and I'm short a drummer. All Seasons Season 1 . Soprano Beverly Sills withdrew her announced plans to retire from the operatic stage. Gonzo: And she's got this cute little nose. Remember that, huh? Kermit: OK, I tell you what - you tell a joke and I will heckle you. [the motorcycle falls out of the box]. Chicken: [an unplucked and alive chicken is between the bread] Brawk! Statler: The question is, what is a muh-nah-muh-nah? What loyalty? My old buddy Bert. Kermit: Hey, keep working on that accent, it might come in handy. [a bowling ball falls out of the sky and hits the Newsman on the head, knocking him out], [Gonzo was playing "Eine Kleine Nachtmusik" on the bagpipes while sitting atop a 10 foot flagpole]. The Newsman: Here is a Muppet News Flash. Snappy patter and jokes, he knows what pleases the folks. Sgt. [runs to the desk] There is no news tonight. Fozzie: I am a telephone pole, I am made of solid wood. Kermit: Gonzo's trying to get himself killed. Just a second. Sam the Eagle: Hmm, I'm glad you agree with me. Heh heh heh. Fozzie Bear: Oh, hi, Floyd. Many, many fond memories. Sweetums: Nice lady want Sweetums to hold something else? Fozzie Bear has a plan to get back at Statler and Waldorf when he does his act, but is crushed when he's replaced by Bruce Forsyth. Miss Piggy: Kermit, do you notice that every time we have a beautiful girl on the show, you forget about me? Juliet Prowse: Well, thank you Kermit. Floyd, you just go out there and start cookin' baby. The spaceship Swine Trek is about to make a soft landing on a distant planet. Fraggle Rock, Creature Shop and similar likenesses are copyright of The Jim Henson Company. Shop affordable wall art to hang in dorms, bedrooms, offices, or anywhere blank walls aren't welcome. Fozzie Bear: Does this sound like John Wayne? I think it's terrific being with you. [the Swedish Chef tried to make fishie chowder]. Statler: You know, Gonzo would have been perfect for that movie he was going to star in. The Newsman: Uh, Mr. Beckmesser, I understand, according to doctors, you would've died instantly had you not been such a poor conductor. your own Pins on Pinterest Statler: This show brought a tear to my eye... Fozzie Bear: Hey, question: if a man born in Poland is a Pole, is a man from Holland a Hole? Flower Eating Monster: Thanks. [Roger Moore has just sung "If I Could Talk To The Animals"]. Scooter: Oh sure, boss. You KNOW that they are reading cue cards. [sees a small candle on the desk] Uh, it's too dark in here to read the news by. Link Hogthrob: No hard feelings, I hope, Miss Piggy? Floyd: Aw, you couldn't get a long enough chain! Isn’t that that cute little children’s show with puppets?” “Who am I? Who cares about the Connie Stevens spot? This evening, I will perform a feat of lunatic daring. Dohohohoh! [Statler's cigar explodes]... although some of them are really quite droll. Explore 72 Muppet Quotes (page 2) by authors including Orson Welles, Amy Adams, and Ricky Gervais at BrainyQuote. I certainly didn't! George: They haven't. Statler: Well the show tonight certainly didn't lay an egg. Scooter: Oh, boy, oh, boy, chief. Statler: Oh, no wonder! Good night. He's-a wearin' a neck-a-tie! The Great Gonzo: And now... classical music meets seafood! [Gonzo begins playing the "1812 Overture" on violin as the tomato plant grows and wraps itself around Gonzo carrying him off stage]. Leslie Uggams: Why? Gonzo: Send me! You're supposed to eat the wardrobe! Directed by … Zero Mostel: [taking a glass of water and pouring it out] Of course! It was first rate. [burns his finger as he touches the phone] Aaow! His wife had climbed the pole this morning and found that he had indeed passed away. Kermit: I've seen cheeseburgers funnier then that. Fozzie: I am too talented for my own good. [the furniture monsters chase the man out of the room]. Last week he ate the guest. The Newsman: And now, direct from the Chicago Livestock Board, here are the gestation periods. Floyd Pepper: Okay, green thing. Waldorf: Yeah, not having to watch it. The Newsman: And now this Muppet News Flash! Statler: [as they sit with an avocado] I didn't like it. Kermit the Frog: [shouting] I am not kidding! Years ago, I was a great actor, a star. Statler: You know, when I see that Judy Collins, I'm glad I left my wife. [sees Waldorf asleep]. Waldorf: [singing] You are my sunshine, my only sunshine... Statler: I'm not your son and my name's not Shine! Miss Piggy: What? Waldorf: Now why would they have a bunch of chickens singing "Baby Face"? I always send him back. She is merely... disappointed. 32058. Kermit: "And now I want you to close your eyes and think of exotic Greek dancers, because if you open them you'll see this." The Newsman: Here is a Muppet News Flash. Always remember: square is beautiful. I'm leaving the show business. I mean, who would organize a hog calling contest? Could I ask a great big favour? The comedian's a bear! [struggle to get unstuck]. Statler: Well, I once saved a rat from drowning. You know what? Bands of roving cheeses have been reported at the edge of town moving towards city center. You watched it! [breathes heavily]. I mean, how was it done? Floyd: [wearing a suit of armor] Oh, my little green friend. You have to know how to talk to him. Kermit the Frog: And where did they GO? Miss Piggy: Kermit, now that you've begged for my forgiveness... Miss Piggy: DON'T TOUCH ME, YOU JIVE GEEK! Kermit: I-In fact, that was Rudolf Nureyev. Miss Piggy: I will not hug you, you... TWIT TURKEY! Miss Piggy: [sternly, to C-3PO] Watch it, hardware! Discover and share Muppets Chef Quotes. Kermit the Frog: And now it's time to present two old friends of ours all the way from Sesame Street. Okay Lou, there's his chain, but let me ask just one favor. Edgar Bergen: Well, then probably I'm not here today. Feather Duster: [high pitched disco diva type voice] Thank you. Anyhow, gestation periods. Dom DeLuise: Yes, they were your roses. Jun 27, 2014 - Explore Christie Slifka's board "The Muppets", followed by 350 people on Pinterest. The Newsman: Dateline: Fresno. Statler: Yes, it was good. [above them, a loud whistling noise sounds, they follow it by glancing above them and to their side when something is heard crashing to the floor]. Charlie McCarthy: Yikes! Edgar Bergen: You'll have to excuse Mortimer. [a mackerel walks up, dressed in royalty; the Newsman sees him]. Rowlf: You And I And George went strolling down the park one day/And then you held my hand as if to say I Love You/Then we passed a brook and George fell in and drowned himself/And floated out to sea leaving you alone with me. Some Statler & Waldorf quotes that I like: From Muppet*Vision 3D: Fozzie: How did you get here? Statler: You think that Jekyll-Hyde stuff is expensive? Miss Piggy: Uh-huh. Kermit: No. Yeah! OK, the ball is in your court, frog! Luke Skywalker: [pointing at Miss Piggy, who's dressed like Princess Leia] Look, it's the Princess! The Newsman: Yes, Dr. Ogelbaum, can you tell us about this cure? Statler: [responding to the Muppets performing "Cotton Fields"] I can remember when cotton was king. This is a great chance for you. Sgt. Rowlf: All right. Waldorf: Actually, that's your basic Pig Latin number. Speak up, my hearing aid's not working! Vincent Price: Well, if you will forgive my modesty, Kermit, that is the talent of the actor's. Fozzie Bear: Yes, all right! Waldorf: Do what? Milton Berle: You know, most people don't know that there are words to that song. If you would like to be added to this bored please e-mail me at iphoneipadapphelp@gmail.com. Sure. You've done that to me too many times, Piggy! [Waldorf punches Statler in the jaw]. [they both laugh]. Statler: If you had half a mind, you wouldn't be here. Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead. [looks behind him and sees Zero not mocking him anymore] It is disgracefully lacking in culture. Bernadette Peters: Suddenly I'm not hungry. Fozzie: Muppet Show backstage. Have you looked over the music? Boris Klinger was the worst music hall act to ever step onto the stage! I'm the beautiful assistant. But you know what they say, the first thing to go on a frog are his legs. Do you see that star here?” “And, uh, do you know why it is there?” “I am the singing star of this show.” RELATED: 60+ Saruman Quotes From The Lord of the Rings Movie “Kiss your feathers goodbye, bird! As the series' popularity rose, many celebrities were eager to perform with the Muppets on television and in film. Yes I don't mind doing that but there are others who may take offense. Announcer: And now it's time for Veterinarian's Hospital, the continuing story of an orthopedic surgeon who's gone to the dogs. Zero: I am not in my dressing room, eating! Waldorf: Well, this show certainly doesn't lay any eggs. Fozzie Bear: [Rowlf and Lew Zealand exit for the stage] Go get 'em! Miss Piggy: [suddenly angry] It's the mouse you gotta hate! Who can tell you why?/Fools give you reasons/Wise men never try. I never knew that frogs had a sense of humor. I'm going home. [Fozzie has asked Harry Belafonte where he gets his ideas for his songs]. Kermit the Frog: Congratulations Fozzie. Rita Moreno: Sure you can hold anything you want. Fozzie: Prices are so high, yesterday I bought a pound of hamburger and had to have a co-signer! Scooter: He wants you to know he wants his own dressing room and star billing. #muppetlove #kermit #nice. Miss Piggy: Hold it! Kermit the Frog: Will you get on stage Fozzie? Sam the American Eagle: Ah, Beethoven. They're about the stars and the performers and the entertainers that appeared during the heyday of Vaudeville.

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